i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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