The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize