I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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