If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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