Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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