is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize