I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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