im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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