"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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