I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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