I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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