bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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