4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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