quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize