some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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