so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize