She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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