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i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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