i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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