Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize