Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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