i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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