drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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