Favorite
- (502): If ur still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If ur asleep, ask me how it was.
- SPONSORED (212): I just went spray tanning and now I have a handprint on my ass http://bit.ly/aIkEeh
- (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
- (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tinyurl.com/tflniphone
- (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
- (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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