I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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