Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize