he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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