I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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