Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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