I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize