dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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