i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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