I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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