I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize