so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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