My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize