i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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