My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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