Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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