I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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