Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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