I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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