I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize