Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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