I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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