Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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