i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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