Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize