just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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