i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this beer tastes like vomit already
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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