Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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