Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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